Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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