I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
