Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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