I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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