Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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