We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
