yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
