i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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