Me too!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
