ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
