Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
