she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
