I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
