I think im going to throw up on grandma
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
