But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
