I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
