Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
