i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
