im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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