how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
