Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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