upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
