Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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