Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
