Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
