haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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