i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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