Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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