I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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