I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
