I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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