I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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