My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
