so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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