Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
