You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
