If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
