he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
