my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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