You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
