I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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