Dual....:-)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
