I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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