just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
