you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
