I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
