I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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