sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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