Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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