using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My hand turned me down
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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