the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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