don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
