you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
